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Building Better Lives 

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What This Is About

Each of us is different, and each of us is responsible for what we do. And the choices we make shape who we become. 

 

As individuals grow stronger, they strengthen their communities — and stronger communities lift individuals. The two reinforce each other.

 

Good character matters. It looks like this:

• Being someone others can trust

• Taking responsibility for your actions

• Caring about others’ well-being

• Understanding yourself and managing your emotions

• Building healthy, respectful relationships

 

As one saying goes: "Take care of yourself so you can better care for others."

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The Problem We Face

Today’s world pushes us inward — toward self-promotion, self-protection, and constant comparison. From an early age, we’re trained to:

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• Climb over others to get ahead

• Control those below us

• Submit to those above us

• Conform so we won’t stand out

 

This fuels a “winner-takes-all” mentality — a zero-sum worldview that says my gain must be your loss.

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Many people:

• Worry constantly about their status 

• Judge their worth by income or social standing

• Fear falling behind or being seen as failures

 

When status feels shaky, people often:

• Retreat into groups “just like them”

• Build resentment toward rivals

• Lash out, sometimes with violence

Humiliation sticks. It can distort a person’s thoughts and feelings for years.

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And when life feels like a scramble for survival, people lose faith in shared moral principles. “Right and wrong” start to seem like private opinions rather than common ground.

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Too much competition, too little time, and too much noise make real listening rare. Conversations become a series of monologues — people waiting to speak instead of absorbing what others say.

 

As it gets harder to get ahead economically, people feel more:

• Frustrated

• Hopeless

• Disrespected

• Angry
   

These emotions are easily turned outward — into bullying, control, or hostility toward anyone who seems “other.”

 

It’s hard to change personal habits when the surrounding systems reward unhealthy ones. You can’t expect widespread personal transformation without some social transformation. “Fat-shaming,” for example, doesn’t arise from nowhere — it’s shaped by an industry that profits from insecurity.
 

Personal Solutions That Work​

 

Still, millions of people are looking for healthier ways to live. Many have even quit jobs that drained them. They’re searching for work, relationships, and communities that feel aligned with who they want to be.

 

There’s a great deal we can do on our own, in the privacy of our own minds:

• Reading and learning

• Exercise and healthy eating

• Time in nature

• Meditation or prayer

• Listening to music that heals

• Committing to honesty and authenticity

• Being available for soulful, mutually supportive relationships

• Questioning ourselves and our actions

• Thinking deeply about our lives

• Admitting mistakes and learning from them

• Opening to win-win (positive-sum) outcomes

 

Humility — knowing what we don’t know — strengthens our choices.

 

We don’t need to measure our worth by comparing ourselves to others. We don’t need to outrun everyone else.

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Facing reality, cutting through distractions, and noticing our own patterns help us loosen negative habits. The urge to dominate — or submit — runs deep. Recognizing where we’re stuck is often the first real step toward a better life.

 

Research shows we think in two ways: fast and slow. Fast thinking — emotional, instantaneous — can help us, but it can also mislead us. Slow thinking — reflective, deliberate — often leads to wiser choices. These two systems can work together. Emotions offer information. Reason gives direction. Together, they help us respond with clarity. (For a short exploration of how fast and slow thinking relate to personal growth and bottom-up empowerment, see “Fast/Slow Thinking and Memory Tests.”)

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More than two million people have signed the Charter for Compassion, a global effort to build a world where all life thrives with compassion. It affirms unconditional love — even toward opponents — and draws on the moral principles shared across world religions. It rejects rigid fundamentalism in favor of a humble, open-hearted spirituality that honors life’s mystery and the “life force” that animates the universe. That humility helps us treat each other with respect.

 

Most people want to be less judgmental and more caring. We can work on ourselves and work to change society at the same time. Saying “I must change myself before changing the world” can become a way to avoid the hard work of improving the world we share. Having a social purpose often helps people endure hardship.
 

Knowing Yourself

The ancient Greeks said, “Know thyself.”

Look inward. See your place in the web of life. Notice that your story is tied to everyone else's.

 

Be clear about:

• Your core values 

• The principles that guide your behavior

• Whether your actions match those values and principles
   

Speak from the heart whenever you can, without taking unnecessary risks. You might not tell your boss everything on your mind — but integrating head, heart, and gut strengthens your voice. (And the heart does sit between the head and the gut.)

 

Support freedom of choice — for yourself and others. Live as you hope others will live. Act with mutual respect, without forcing or manipulating. Use force only to prevent physical harm. Even when people must be restrained or incarcerated, we can still respect their dignity.
 

This approach reflects genuine concern for all people. We may belong to particular groups, but we also belong to the human family. Whatever else I am, I am always human — and the less free you are, the less free I am. Your suffering touches mine. In the long run, your well-being supports my own.
 

Trying to change others rarely works. It often backfires. People protect their autonomy. But your example, your presence, and your honesty can inspire reflection. Each person grows in their own way, at their own pace — while learning from others and sharing what they learn.
 

Even when our efforts “fail,” trying to change the world changes us. Greater self-awareness and self-discipline ripple outward in ways we can’t predict.

 

From the Inside Out and the Outside In

 

Stronger communities help individuals grow. Stronger individuals help communities grow. This is how we counter the structures that elevate a few and suppress the many. This is how we push back against the Top-Down Machine and nurture Bottom-Up Community.
 

A central aim of this book is to help build a society where everyone has:

• Economic security

• Enough income for a decent life

• The option to work fewer hours if they choose
   

With these guarantees, people can spend more quality time with loved ones, serve their communities, and invest in their personal growth.
 

Cultivating strong communities cultivates strong individuals — and cultivating strong individuals cultivates strong communities.

RELATED:

• Wilhelm Reich — The Mass Psychology of Fascism.  
  A groundbreaking exploration of how fear, repression, and “character armor” form inside us and make top-down power feel natural. Reich shows how personal liberation and emotional honesty strengthen our capacity to resist domination and build bottom-up relationships.

• R.D. Laing — The Politics of Experience and the Bird of Paradise
  Laing shows how societies teach people to distrust their own perceptions and conform to roles that keep them small. He argues that emotional distortion and alienation are not personal failures but responses to a world that prizes obedience over authenticity — and that healing begins when we reclaim our own experience.

• Daniel Kahneman — Thinking, Fast and Slow
  An accessible exploration of how two modes of thinking — fast, automatic reactions and slow, deliberate reflection — shape our judgments and blind spots. Kahneman shows how noticing these patterns strengthens self-awareness, reduces error, and supports wiser, more grounded action in daily life.