One Man's Tale on Relationships
By Bill Betzler
Two weeks ago, I went on a men's retreat. Followed along the IRON JOHN narrative of years ago - male initiation, male wounds, male grief, male bonding, male transformation. It was OK for me. Did have opportunity to say out loud to all 35 guys what my core wound was: As a child I was a sexual object. I listened to all the others. There were a few deaths of children or parents or spouses. By far the largest number of wounds had to do w/ feelings of inadequacy & in that awareness that their lives weren't working. Most were successful in their careers; yet they were not happy & didn't know why. Most of them had a sense that things were not right @ home w/ the wife & kids, but didn't know how to express their feelings or receive the feelings of others. I think another part of it was the home/work balance. Most loved what they did for a living. I'd guess that some good relationships w/ co-workers, employees, supervisors. What I didn't hear in small group was the part about how relationships of mutual trust & respect are what makes life meaningful. Seemed to me they were still stuck on the horns of the toys/ time dilemma: Toys are no substitute for time. Acquiring more toys, giving your family more toys is no substitute for time spent w/ them. Some are probably very generous w/ toys to their family & friends & even @ work. Trouble is where they spend their time; especially where they spend their quality time is the key to any kind of peace & tranquility w/in.
How do you open the door to emotional stability to guys who know something's not working in their lives, but aren't yet ready to hear whispers that to move closer to the authenticity they want; they will need to reorder their priorities, let go of some things, face up to they aren't in control of very much in their lives & face head on that none of us control our next breath & next heartbeat so our 5-year plan goal is not a product but a process. Now this kind of thinking fascinates me.
Posted in Relationships